I feel "homeless" sometimes.

Honestly, I planned to have another blog scheduled for this week.  But I want to share something that's been on my mind.   

So I've been working on determining what Charlotte Truffles truly stand for.  And I've received so many advice these past weeks and I've had a chance to think through it.  

As many of you know, I lived in a multi-cultural family and my family is scattered around the world. (I'm 100% Chinese by blood, but culturally I'm Indonesian- American and I was born in Germany.)   In our last 3 to 4 generations, each generation was born in a different country or continent.  

My family moved frequently to pursue higher educations. While this has provided an invaluable experience (and a major sense of pride for me), I've learned there's a cost to moving around. This isn't meant to be negative. In fact, it's given me an invaluable perspective with the right dose of struggles. 

In a blunt way,  we assimilated ourselves to different cultures with every move.  And because of our exposures, we pick up a few traits here and there.  And my beliefs, and social and emotional understanding is a mish mash of all the exposed cultures. 

And because of this, I struggle to find my identity and who I associate with.  Many of you who have similar story as mine shared that there's a light switch that you flip when you interact with different people.  For example, I flip to one switch when I interact with my family and with that switch, I talk differently, I apply certain cultural norms and just underlining and unwritten rules to our relationship.   But another switch is turned on when I interact with my friend.   Neither of them are false, but neither of them is more comfortable than the other.  It's not like I can say one feels more home than the other.        

I personally have always wondered if this feeling of "homelessness" is right. At times, I feel ashamed for being disconnected with my own heritage.  

But, I realize that my feelings of shame is unjust. In fact, it's stupid.  It's stupid to invalidate our feelings. It's stupid to expect that we will find a consistent and constant balance between the many cultures. Or, that we should associate more to one culture than the other.   Because honestly, that's not how my life script was written.

Instead,  I'm normalizing the feeling of constant push and pull between the cultures.  I'm learning to be more comfortable with the culture dance.    

For those of you who have multiple cultures, I love to hear your experience.  How do you feel?  Do you also feel "homeless" at times? What do you do to get more connected with one culture than other?  

 

 

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